Struggle
by Amatista
Summary: Third in the "Severed Saga." Following a significant dream, Cassie allows herself private time to let memories and personal feelings emerge...


**A/N: I know the last one was pretty short, and I apologize for that. I added a little bit to the end of "Sentinel," so be sure to read my addition. Thanks again to those who have written me/reviewed these stories. This segment immediately follows "Sentinel."**

**Any quotes sounding similar to L.J. Smith and the **_**Secret Circle**_** books probably are, and are the sole property of L.J. Smith. Mad love to that author!**

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After walking downstairs, Cassie found her mother and daughter having tea in the old parlor. She smiled. If there was one thing she wanted for Sarah, it was a strong relationship with her grandmother. Cassie had not taken advantage of this when her grandmother had been alive. There was so much she wished she had asked her, listened to, talked to her about…No, Sarah would learn as much as she could from her surviving relatives. Besides her mother, all she had left was her grandmother.

This also gave Alexandra a chance to re-learn magic from her grandchild. The parents of Cassie's generation had shunned magic for so long that they had forgotten how to use it. Sarah, already showing promise with Power, patiently guided her grandmother back to that path of her life. They bonded well. Right now, they were taking turns with a small potted plant, calling upon Earth to make the stem grow taller. Slowly but surely, the green appendage was stretching longer and longer toward the ceiling. It happened more naturally for the eight-year-old girl, but at least her grandmother was trying.

Looking up as Cassie came in, Alexandra spoke first. "Is everything alright, dear?"

Her eyes softened on her mother. "It is, yes," and she believed it as she said it. "Don't let me interrupt you guys. I'm going to head down to the beach for a little while, okay?"

There was an understanding shimmer in the elder woman's face. She was not without her knowledge of Cassie and those who surrounded her. On top of that, she had powerful sight, too, and was no longer afraid to put it to use. "Clearing your mind?" They exchanged a knowing look, and Alexandra nodded. "Take your time. Sarah and I will entertain ourselves for however long you need."

Exactly what she needed to hear. "Thanks, Mom." Coming over, she dropped a quick kiss on Sarah's head, then gave a cynical eye. "What's the big rule about telepathy?"

Sarah grinned, and recited faithfully, "Not to contact anyone unless it's an emergency."

That's my girl, Cassie thought with a laugh. All the powers Cassie had exhibited with her coven had been passed on to her child. "Mommy loves you. I'll be back later."

As she went to walk out the door, Sarah watched her go. Like her grandmother, she had an idea as to why she needed this day to herself. Deep in her heart, a careful spark of anticipation began to develop like a tiny flame. In her mind, she began chanting something she had come up with a while ago, a hopeful little mantra.

_Sky and sea, hear my plea,_

_Show her what she needs to see…_

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This was better. Not just seeing water through a window, but hearing the roar of it right in her ears; seeing the tumultuous waves splash upon the shore; smelling the mild odor of salt in the air; feeling the softness of sand beneath her hands, and the cool spray of droplets on her cheeks.

_Sky and sea, keep harm from me…_

She breathed in deeply, savoring the freshness of ocean air, slowly released it. She remembered how at home felt when she first came to this beach. It was landscape reminiscent of California's beaches. She had missed it so much when she and her mother first moved here, but then she met Diana. And Laurel. And Melanie. All of the Crowhaven in-crowd. Kindred spirits living right here under her nose. The homesickness had quickly vanished because she knew she belonged with them.

Even with Nick, who had not started out as such a sweetheart in Cassie's mind. Yes, her thoughts returned to Nicholas Armstrong. There was no avoiding it as images washed over her in a myriad of sweeping waves.

At least coldness towards her had not been an isolated incident; it was how he was with everyone. Eventually, though, a specific occurrence changed her mind about him. Completely. It had been the night of Samhain, the Halloween when the coven had conjured up Black John's spirit for questioning. Cassie had ended up being hurt, and Nick had _been_ there. The one who typically despised anything to do with magic had come along to make sure she was all right.

To further this, she recalled the day she revealed information from her dying grandmother, the truth as to what happened with the parents of their Circle. Nick had learned that his parents had bravely sacrificed themselves in order to save their family and friends. She remembered. She had seen the minute change in his eyes, the first sign of an internal thaw. It warmed her heart. Since then, she had new appreciation for him. Little did she know how much that appreciation would grow in the coming weeks.

Soon after, Cassie discovered how much Nick really did care about her, even through the catastrophe with Adam and their unintended betrayal of Diana. None of it mattered to Nick; he liked Cassie, was going to be there for her, and wanted to prove it. Well, he certainly did, and it continued even to this day. She had never been more grateful to a guy in her entire life.

Adam had also recognized Nick's generosity towards her. To express his thanks, he asked Nick to be his best man at their wedding. Cassie had been pleased with the idea, and Nick, unable to resist those pleading blue eyes, accepted. These two men, who used to constantly be at loggerheads with one another, were mending their friendship. Deep down, Cassie knew it was because of their mutual affection for her. They cared about her too much to let useless fighting continue. So, Nick had stood with them, respectful and dutiful, watching two of his closest friends joined in marriage. His dark eyes had shined in approval, knowing they belonged together.

Four years since Adam's death, Cassie thought, pulling back to the present again. There was no sadness as she watched the blue-silver ocean; just thoughts. As time had passed, Nick never went away.

He became a frequent caller to her home at Number Nine, just coming over to spend time with her. He was not pushy, annoying, nor unwelcome with his actions. She appreciated his company. It was nice to talk to someone who would listen, even if she felt like she was going on aimlessly when he came over. He never minded. In fact, he encouraged her to speak, while he would listen. Nick was good at that, and Cassie had yet to feel self-conscious about her ramblings.

This also happened at Circle meetings, which he used to avoid vehemently. Anymore, Nick was a constant figure, attending every chance he could, still quietly protective of Cassie. His friend. She did not make any objection to this. He was also present at all celebrations and parties the coven members held throughout the years. At any of these events, Nick and Cassie found small segments of time when they could simply talk.

During their conversations, when Nick was the one speaking, Cassie silently took note of who he had become. Following high school, Nick knew college was not the route for him. However, he was not destined to become a burden on society. He went out immediately and found a job at _Mal's Garage_, a local car repair shop. Not only did the position keep him close to home, but it also gave him the chance to continue doing what he enjoyed: working with cars. He had finished restoring his old Coupe a few years back, and it purred like a kitten. Cassie could attest to this, since he often gave her and their friends rides in it. Nick did have talent there, and set out to prove his worth. His employers took note of this as well, and he was quickly promoted to assistant manager. He worked diligently and took pride in what he did. He was also able to save money, putting it aside in order to take care of himself someday. In the meantime, he still resided with Deborah's parents at Number Two, and felt no shame regarding his situation. His relationships with his aunt and uncle had even improved. Credit to this went to the revelations Cassie's grandmother had made about the deaths of his parents. He had once been so resentful, but then found out how his parents had died fighting an entity of evil. Fighting to protect all they loved, including him. He had let go of so much after that.

Cassie was proud of him. He was turning out to be a wonderful young man. Not a teenage boy anymore, but a hard-working, dedicated, handsome, worthwhile individual. Definitely a man.

And Sarah. God, it was incredible to witness his interactions with Sarah!

When he was not busy at work, he often came to watch over Sarah if Cassie had college classes to attend, or errands to run. Initially, his kinship with Sarah had been a shock to the coven members. Being the tough guy that he always had been, they expected him to be reluctant to interact with the child. However, the exact opposite had occurred. He _liked_ Sarah. The first time he held her in his arms as a baby, he had smiled. Cassie, pleasantly amazed by this, could not help but smile in return. Thus had always been the way between them. She had asked what touched him so about her daughter.

Nick, smile never fading, said, "She's got her mother's eyes."

A slight flush had crept into Cassie's cheeks. Nick had once expressed how she had the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. The way he said it was not uncomfortable; just flattering.

Watching him with Sarah was like seeing another part of him come to life, one that he had kept carefully hidden from all others. Even Adam was impressed with how he had taken to her, an attachment that strengthened as she grew up. Many times, she would grip the biceps of his strong arms, and he would easily lift her feet from the ground. Her mouth would fall open with laughter, blue eyes sparkling. Nick liked that. He would take her for walks down Crowhaven Road, occasionally tour the old cemetery with her, and take her along the beach. Sometimes, she would even come down to his home, where he was usually working on cars in the driveway. He took this chance to school her on building and repairing cars, which she surprisingly took interest in. Hence, she was accepted as his assistant; he would dab little spots of black grease on her cheeks in the process. His "little lady," as he liked to call her. He slipped into his role as "Uncle" Nick quite easily, becoming another strong male figure in her life. While words were not the necessary tie between them, it was clear Sarah found his presence soothing.

It was not the same when the others started having children. Laurel and Chris gave birth to a son last year, naming him Carter. Not to be outdone by his brother, Cassie thought with amusement, Doug and Melanie gave birth to twins a month later: Athena and Michael. Nick was not cold toward them, but he did not share the closeness as he had with Sarah. It was how things were, and no one held a grudge against him.

She bowed her head momentarily. There was something more she realized in regards his work ethic and determination to save funds. It was not merely to take care of himself, but it was also to take care of someone…some_ family_ he cared about.

Her and Sarah. He was doing what he could to help them, should they ever be in financial strife. He was not at all obligated to do this, but he was. He cared about her that much to make sure he could care for her after Adam's death. Reviving his promise from long ago: _I'll be there when you need somebody. _

Making it very clear that he was there for Cassie.

Closing her eyes, she dwelled on Nick for a long time. Nick had been an amazing friend during her difficult time, and she was not blind this fact. Nor was she blind to how she reciprocated those feelings. She _had_ made a decision, one that she knew would give her heart the happiness she longed for.

Nick, I've made a choice, she thought, and I choose you…

But over the past few years, the question was whether or not to act on her emotions. Guilt had hindered her, preventing her from taking a stance and following her heart. The ones who mattered most were the ones she had worried about: Sarah and Adam. Would Sarah be understanding of what Cassie opted to pursue? Would Cassie be dishonoring Adam's memory, making him feel as though she was betraying him in death? Her soul-mate, her lover…would she be breaking his immortal heart?

However, she had the dream last night, one that gave her the clarity and serenity…the _sight_ she had prayed for these past four years.

Finally opening her eyes, she smiled secretly. Her entire being knew what she had to do, and she possessed the courage to put it into effect. Standing, she brushed the sand from her jeans, taking a final look out at the ocean in the mid-afternoon sun. The water whispered to her, calming her heart, giving her encouragement. She listened. Thanking it, she turned to hike up the bluff. There was one more stop she needed to make before the afternoon began to wane.


End file.
